SmoothieGirlEatsToo: June 2011

Easy Sun-brewed pickles: the Cheap, Lazy Girl's version

I love pickles. But not with ice cream because I've never been pregnant. I don't love shelling out big bucks just for one lousy jar of pickles. So thanks to either Janetha & Eden's suggestion from when they visited last month, I do the next best thing: I buy the lousy jar, eat those pickles and then I make my own pickles from fresh cucumbers, using juices from that original jar.

Method:

Buy lousy jar of pickles (actually make sure they are super yummy- I love Claussen)
Buy fresh cucumbers. Organic, if you feel so inclined.
Eat store bought pickles but save the juice!
Cut or slice your cucumber and put into jar of juice.
Let sit outside in the sun for day(s)
Refrigerate
Eat
If eating with ice cream, call your partner to let him know that you must be pregnant.

Cut cucumbers

I cut wedges. You can cut slices or crinkle cuts or spirals (kidding on the spirals)

Fill jar with fresh cucumbers

Put in the sun for a day or more.

If necessary, hire a pickle slave to ensure maximum sunlight exposure

This takes great skill

"Do not attempt at home. Professional on a closed course"

Once soaked for a day or so, place in fridge

I use the same jar until there isn't enough juice left to make another batch. If you are dying to know more about different techniques for making pickles, please click here. The site discusses sterilizing jars and all sorts of stuff that I couldn't be bothered to do. I'll bet that it's far more information than you'll ever need. Unless of course, you need a topping for your ice cream.

Q: Have you ever made pickles? If you were pregnant: did you really crave pickles and ice cream? Or is that an urban legend?

In Short

Today's post is about things that are short.

Let's do bullet points:

I'm short on finished posts, but long on posts that are half-written.
I have a friend coming to visit who is shorter than me, but never short on laughs

With 115F degree heat in the desert, we're short on breezes
With 115F degree heat, I'm running short on sunscreen (Future post alert)
With 115F degree heat, I'm running short on running shorts
We are signed up to attend a Short Film Festival, where apparently, popcorn is optional (?!!?)

I'm surrounded by short creatures

The usual short creatures...

No matter how big she feels, Ellie is definitely short.

...but she tries to act 'big'

The unusual short creatures...

Scorpion. In my house.

(The horror)

Centipedes (plural). In my house.


Not sure if this guy is short, but the cockroach is. And also was in my house. The roach, not the guy.

I'm short on sleep, probably due to the presence short creatures above.
I'm short on pumpkin which means that if I don't hit the market, I'll be short on protein fudge muffins.

Yesterday I added ground coffee to the mix, to make up for the fact that I'm short on sleep

My workouts have been short (another future post)

Short, Sweet & To-the-point workout

Edited to Add: Please send your healing/strengthening thoughts to my friend, Susan at The Great Balancing Act as she learned late today that she has an as-yet-undiagnosed form of lymphoma. As many of you might know, my Dad had lymphoma and my aunt currently has it. Susan was even Miss January 2011 in the charity blogger calendar that we created in honor of my Dad and to raise money for cancer research. This has touched me deeply and although I'm not really the praying type, I'll be saying a prayer for Susan.

Q: Are you short of something right now: good or bad? Have you ever seen short films?

The Art & Science of the cat cuddle: A tutorial for humans.

For those dog owners and people who have had limited exposure to cats, this post may surprise or even shock you. Without question, you'll swear off cats forever, and feel justified in doing so. But 'cat people' will nod and understand everything here. They also know that reward is 100% worth the substantial effort.

When it comes to cuddling with people, some cats want none of it. Ever. Other cats are lap whores, but most cats need some convincing in order to engage in a real cuddle. For either type of cat, the choice has to be 100% theirs. If they think that they are being cajoled, they will show you 'the butt' (i.e. they'll walk away) and that will be the end of it. Pun intended. No cuddle for you.

Here are the steps of the cuddle, using Samantha as our typical wary cat:

"You think you're worth a cuddle? Convince me."

She pre-considers cuddling with you: whether on the bed, on your lap, or next to you on the sofa. As we raised Samantha without knowing how wrong it was, she may also be on the countertop or dining table next to (or in) your food. Do NOT attempt to sway her toward the cuddle at this early stage as it will certainly force her to give you the butt.
She is now considering a cuddle. You can "pat" the area upon which you would like her to settle. A couple of pats with the hand on your lap or the sofa will get your point across. Often you need to repeat this 49 times, while she watches you very carefully and contemplates your generous offer. Her eyes may shift from side to side as she thinks long and hard about your proposition.
If she likes your suggested location, she will go and stand in that spot for a very long time, in further consideration of a cuddle. Thinking. Considering. You might need to pat the area again. Or 49 more times. You might even be able to pet her with encouraging words without having her run. Take your chances. But do NOT attempt to force her to sit or lie down, or she'll give you the butt and maybe even scream as she runs away. The neighbors might consider calling the SPCA.
Now she has decided to cuddle in your desired location, and she may attempt to sit or lie down. If it is at the beginning of the sitting process and you try to force her to sit or lie down faster because your impatience is getting the better of you, then she'll give you the butt and run away, screaming. Neighbors will probably now call the SPCA. Sometimes she'll hover, half-seated for a short time, still deciding if this is the right choice. Do not interfere with the hovering process.
Now she is committed to the cuddle and is in the process of lying down. If she is more than half-way down to the cuddling position, you can feel fairly safe in now establishing contact and helping her down all the way. She will probably go down with a huge 'thud' and be dead-weight. This is probably from sheer exhaustion. At this point you can pet and cuddle her. In fact, if you don't do so, she'll scream at you and the neighbors will definitely call the SPCA.
If she is on your lap, she will remain there until your bladder is just about to burst. You don't dare ever move her after all the work it took to get her there in the first place.


Pre-considering a cuddle

Double cuddle (Charlotte-RIP, Samantha's mom is on Derek)

Full cuddles for me every single night. How lucky am I?

Now let's use Ellie as the model of a perfect, easy lap whore. She will cuddle any time, anywhere.

Ellie was born a lap cat (and avid blog reader?)

You attempt to pick her up for a cuddle (your choice), she will squirm out of your arms, scream and give you the butt. SPCA will be alerted. Or maybe PETA.
Defeated, you decide to sit in a chair/couch or lie on a couch/bed.
Within 4.5 seconds of you settling, she will leap on you and fall dead-weight on your lap into a very deep cuddle. You are now trapped. This was 100% her choice.
Once in place, she will remain there for hours, usually until your bladder is about to burst and your kidney is infected. Often she will walk all over your boobs just when and where it hurts the most and then park herself on your belly while you are lying on a sofa, using a laptop. Next time, consider Depends or a catheter.
If you are reading a funny blog or email, you will watch her wobble up & down as you giggle. Still she won't budge. When you go to comment on the post, and you can't see the keyboard, you end up typing something like: k;llpi;===== (the = seems to be where you think that the backspace button is located when you are blocked by a small but heavy, cheeky cat).


Trapped and in need of a catheter

The car cuddler strikes

...again...

...and again

So there you have it. Different cats. Different cuddling styles. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Q: Have you had cat-cuddling experience and if so wjlouyo;l'[iujul'--=====? Are you a dog person and have no idea what I am talking abmtyou';s][p'=----====?

On laughter

Anyone who knows me, knows that I'm all about the laughing. I think that humor is one of the best qualities that a person can possess (well aside from kindness, empathy and all that other crap). About a year ago, I even held a little contest on my blog asking people to send me their good, bad & funny photos. Then I put the photos into my blender for a quick toss (a la Lotto) and picked a winner. Video here. It was not hilarious, trust me. It was just for some much-needed levity when my Dad was near the end of his life. Given the fact that he was, in fact a comedy writer, I come by my love of humor honestly.

Sharing a laugh with my good friends, Linda & Rudy

Speaking of humor, I have noticed that when I send emails or make comments on Twitter, Facebook or blogs, that I have slightly different terms for my laughter, based on the situation. Here is my personal laughter cheat sheet:

LOL- Laugh Out Loud. I never actually use this, but I have nothing against it. I know certain people feel that any man who uses it should have his member cut off, but my feelings about it are more neutral. I've even heard that some people say it aloud, like with their outside voice. My question: Are they saying "El Oh El" or "Lawl"? Inquiring minds want to know. Example: Derek just went to pet Ellie after she covered herself in spit LOL" Question: Should Chaz Bono be allowed to use LOL?
LOLZ- This is the multiple orgasm of written laughter. I thought that I had previously stumbled upon a resource that implied that LOLZ was a sarcastic form of LOL and I started using it in that way. But in my recent and extensive (ha!) research for this post, I could not corroborate that theory. So, it would appear that LOLZ is just LOL X 2 or 3. My example: "In that Instagram photo, you look like a constipated lesbian LOLZ".
LOLOLOL- The extra "out louds" imply extra hilarity. Example: "Ellie just ate Sam's barf, LOLOLOL!"
Ha! (Notice that I used used this above). That is my way of implying sarcasm with a laugh. It's a short burst, with the head tossed back for emphasis: "Ha!" And it implies that if you believe what you just read, you're more gullible than I thought. Example: "I did extensive (ha!) research for this post."
Hahah! That is my actual laugh. No, really, that's exactly how I laugh, so if you see me write it, I'm really laughing. Example: "Derek loves to drink a frou-frou cocktail with an umbrella in it, hahaha."
Bahaha! I often interchange with with Hahaha, except perhaps with a slight burst of laughter to begin with (hence the "b" in Bahaha). Example: "Someone just used the word awesomesauce and they weren't referring to ketchup. Bahahah!"
Bwaahahah! I use this when I'm feeling a bit evil. Example: "I put cauliflower in Derek's Shepherd's Pie and he had no clue, bwahahaha"
Heh heh. Same as Bwaahahha. Implies evilness. "I put pureed Brussels sprouts in Derek's Sag aloo and he couldn't tell, heh heh"
Har har. You've probably thought something was funny but I didn't. "Ellie, why did you eat my bikini strap off? Do you want me to go topless in Maui? Well, har har."
Heeeeee. This is a laugh with a side of silliness or excitement. Example: "I just got Ellie a new Skull & Crossbones collar, heeee"
Tee Hee: This is my written giggle. Either I'm trying to be coy or ladylike (a tall order). Likely something is not laugh-out-loud/pee-in-your-pants funny, but it's giggle-worthy. Example: "I let out a fart in yoga today...tee hee." It can also imply cheeky-ness "I shouldn't be so mean, sneaking healthy food into my husband's dishes, tee hee."
ROFL: Roll on the Floor Laughing. I've never used this and I prefer ROLF as it's an aggressive massage. But did you know that there's a ROFL Coptor? Me neither! Thanks Wikepedia!