The reason that this update post is so delayed is because I believe that I was waiting for a miracle. By now, I had hoped to have glowing reports about my un-counting experiment complete with weight loss and corresponding photos of my success depicting me performing deadlifts in booty shorts. Totally kidding, I'd only do bent-over reverse flyes.
I had hoped to be eating intuitively like a "normal" person does...you know, eating until I'm satisfied; eating what I really want and not 'dieting'; effortlessly losing weight (or at least maintaining!). No obsessing, no counting. Is that really too much to desire? Apparently so.
(For the record, my booty would never dawn booty shorts, ever. Yours certainly may, but mine never could).
What I have not been doing:
- Eating copious amounts of rich foods
- Throwing dietary caution to the wind
- Sitting on my butt.
- Being careful (as usual) about my diet but without restricting
- Often eating main meal salads when I'd rather have a burrito, as this has helped in the past.
- Dressings, sauces, cheese, bacon, carbs, calories 'on the side'
- Allowing for treats but nothing crazy or excessive on a regular basis.
- Lifting weights, going to gym classes (Step, boxing, Body Pump, Zumba, Hip Hop, Spin), hiking, walking, mixing up my workouts... everything all the experts recommend.
It's not working out as I had hoped.
|One of my big salads|
|I know I'm impatient, but really is 2-3 minutes too long to wait for a meal?|
(Sure, there are smaller articles of clothing than booty shorts. I wear them when I'm swimming, or dancing around poles).
Why am I not succeeding? I have some theories:
- I got careless with BLTs (bites, licks & tastes), especially while hungry and prepping my next meal. I reversed this a few weeks ago.
- I have been listening to my hunger less and less. I tuned back in a few weeks ago.
- I had some niggling injuries that forced me to cut back on my training for a while. But again, I've been back to 'normal' for several weeks.
- Despite addressing the above issues for several weeks now, my weight continues to climb. Perhaps I'm impatient? (see above photo).
- As I have no way to gauge my progress based on calories & numbers, I'm very tuned in to things 'physical'. In other words, how clothes are fitting and how I feel in my skin. Typical banter in my head: "Were these jeans this tight last month?" "Is that a new stretch mark?" That sort of thing.
- While I feel ridiculous focusing on something so superficial, I know that it comes from a place of fear. Having been obese, and hating every minute of it, there isn't a day goes by that I am not terrified of revisiting my past. My anxiety is just fueled by this recent weight gain that doesn't seem to stop.
I will give this one last shot. If at the 6-month mark, there is no sign of hope, then I will go back to counting with Daily Plate or by hand. Or perhaps do some sort of a part-time counting scheme.
|Rather than unsatisfying BLTs, I should make these filling treats more often|
- "photos of moonbeam zappa"
- "do pillows have feelings?"
- "kath eats eden eats" (a girl-on-girl feast?)
- "japanese girls strip themselves upon entering massage parlor"
- "cat cuddles but doesn't fall asleep"
- "SUN BURNED BUTTS"
- "bad allie" (Which is totally untrue)
- "Festive season means extra calories...grrr I can't stop eating"
- "ooh turds"
- "barf looking smoothie"
- "hot hot smoothie girls"
And finally, for my cat-loving friends, here's a photo of Ellie singing in the car on a recent road trip.
|She just loves Gaga|