The reason that this update post is so delayed is because I believe that I was waiting for a miracle. By now, I had hoped to have glowing reports about my un-counting experiment complete with weight loss and corresponding photos of my success depicting me performing deadlifts in booty shorts. Totally kidding, I'd only do bent-over reverse flyes.
I had hoped to be eating intuitively like a "normal" person does...you know, eating until I'm satisfied; eating what I really want and not 'dieting'; effortlessly losing weight (or at least maintaining!). No obsessing, no counting. Is that really too much to desire? Apparently so.
(For the record, my booty would never dawn booty shorts, ever. Yours certainly may, but mine never could).
What I have not been doing:
- Eating copious amounts of rich foods
- Throwing dietary caution to the wind
- Sitting on my butt.
- Being careful (as usual) about my diet but without restricting
- Often eating main meal salads when I'd rather have a burrito, as this has helped in the past.
- Dressings, sauces, cheese, bacon, carbs, calories 'on the side'
- Allowing for treats but nothing crazy or excessive on a regular basis.
- Lifting weights, going to gym classes (Step, boxing, Body Pump, Zumba, Hip Hop, Spin), hiking, walking, mixing up my workouts... everything all the experts recommend.
It's not working out as I had hoped.
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| One of my big salads |
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| Lean protein |
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| I know I'm impatient, but really is 2-3 minutes too long to wait for a meal? |
(Sure, there are smaller articles of clothing than booty shorts. I wear them when I'm swimming, or dancing around poles).
Why am I not succeeding? I have some theories:
- I got careless with BLTs (bites, licks & tastes), especially while hungry and prepping my next meal. I reversed this a few weeks ago.
- I have been listening to my hunger less and less. I tuned back in a few weeks ago.
- I had some niggling injuries that forced me to cut back on my training for a while. But again, I've been back to 'normal' for several weeks.
- Despite addressing the above issues for several weeks now, my weight continues to climb. Perhaps I'm impatient? (see above photo).
- As I have no way to gauge my progress based on calories & numbers, I'm very tuned in to things 'physical'. In other words, how clothes are fitting and how I feel in my skin. Typical banter in my head: "Were these jeans this tight last month?" "Is that a new stretch mark?" That sort of thing.
- While I feel ridiculous focusing on something so superficial, I know that it comes from a place of fear. Having been obese, and hating every minute of it, there isn't a day goes by that I am not terrified of revisiting my past. My anxiety is just fueled by this recent weight gain that doesn't seem to stop.
The plan:
I will give this one last shot. If at the 6-month mark, there is no sign of hope, then I will go back to counting with Daily Plate or by hand. Or perhaps do some sort of a part-time counting scheme.
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| Rather than unsatisfying BLTs, I should make these filling treats more often |
- "photos of moonbeam zappa"
- "do pillows have feelings?"
- "kath eats eden eats" (a girl-on-girl feast?)
- "japanese girls strip themselves upon entering massage parlor"
- "cat cuddles but doesn't fall asleep"
- "SUN BURNED BUTTS"
- "bad allie" (Which is totally untrue)
- "Festive season means extra calories...grrr I can't stop eating"
- "ooh turds"
- "barf looking smoothie"
- "hot hot smoothie girls"
And finally, for my cat-loving friends, here's a photo of Ellie singing in the car on a recent road trip.
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| She just loves Gaga |
51 comments:
I dont count. Never been a counter. I have a rough idea of WHAT I ate but not of the stats of it in any sort of really precise way. I am of no help to you on that one...
Blog keywords. You dont even want to know!
Booty shorts...I almost bought a pair at the Nike store yesterday but bought capri tights instead :)
Am assuming that your pole dancing is a la Gene Kelly in Singing in the Rain!
Sigh. So sorry how to hear how being 'normal' doesn't work for you... Is there such a thing? Not necessarily. Recently I was a part of a support group (as an ally with my post-bariactric mamacita) and the #1 tool for weight loss/maintenance was the food journal. Not weighing, measuring, or counting, just keeping it in writing.
Sorry things haven't been going as you had hoped.
I have only counted calories for a very short period in my life. It really worked and helped me lose a lot of weight. But I could never do it for a long period of time. It's just too hard, and I end up eating way more packaged foods (or the same stuff over and over) than I'd like.
However, I have recently started to keep track of what I eat a bit more closely again as too many licks, bites and "extras" have added to a bit too much weight for me too... Just writing everything down or taking a picture of everything I eat really helps me to be mindful. I actually started a new twitter account and tweet all my meals every other day or so. I am amazed what a difference it makes. It really makes me stop and think.
Well, and when it comes to "normal," I truly don't think there is such a thing... The more I talk to people, I realize that even "normal" people who are "intuitive" work on it on some level...
Never taken a pole-dancing class, but it sounds fun! :)
I sympathise (and empathise!) a lot with this one. Ever since I stopped counting this January I've seen my weight increase by over 20lbs. Partially because the lack of framework and uncertainty triggered bingeing, partially because without guidelines I must default to overeating because I kid myself that training for hours every day makes eating a free-for-all.
I really hope things work out for you! While not counting has made things easier and my life 'freer', the impact on my appearance has caused enough distress to completely cancel that out. And the constant anxiety over clothes fitting etc. is something I experience too.
xxx
Averie- Oh yes, capris tights- I have more of those than I can count. Thank god for them!
Allie- wow. And wow. Thank you for telling me this info about food records- I actually don't mind journalling my eats- but since I'm such a grazer, it just takes time. Perhaps it's worth it.
Andrea-Yes, I'll agree with you about some people who have declared themselves "intuitive" eaters based on little clues they have shared- not as natural and breezy as it might sound. I'm sure there are people out there who have no issues but I suspect that these are people who have NEVER, EVER had issues with food.
I didn't count calories for most of a school year and only gained a couple of pounds (which I needed to gain). Buuut I was very adamant about not BLTs, very limited on starch, and was lifting very heavy weights. Also, I'd counted calories for so long I think I just kind of knew how much stuff was in my head. Now that I need to lose some, I've gone back to casually counting. It's just easy and simple for me and gives a peace of mind that I'm not entrusting my weightloss to some "woo" tactics.
You might want to check out the forum Happy Eaters. There are posters there who don't count...but that doesn't mean they don't pay attention. Also, a pretty decent book for Intuitive Eating is Bethenney Frankel's "Naturally Thin." Her own meals are pretty skimpy but her ideas are pretty good.
Best of luck. You're still a hot lady!
i've never been a calorie counter even through all my years of losing weight, i mean i've calculated meal totals, etc and recipes but never actually calculated an ENTIRE'S day worth of eats. i'm afraid that if i start that i wouldn't be able to get out so i've just kind of avoided it. i'm not even sure how many calories i consume a day haha which may be why i've never actually reached the six pack i've always wanted haha. buuuuut i've got to say i think you're brave for giving it a go! i know how stressful it is to try and break a habit. something i'm working on with chewing gum right now hahaha
when i first stopped counting i gained almost 20 pounds. but eventually, after 2 years, the weight came off and then some.
Deb, I'm sorry you're struggling, and you know if anyone out there can relate to your fears, it's me. So, if you have to go back to counting to feel good, then go for it. Do what works for you.
CRACKING up at the google searches. Grrr, I can't stop eating and the pillows with feelings ones are my favorites.
I'm sorry that the un-counting calories thing isn't working for you :( I struggle with counting vs. not counting a lot adn I haven't really figured out what works best for me.
Now the real question is.. do pillows have feelings??? hahaha
Damn the freshman- thank you for the links- I've spent most of the morning perusing the forum (negating all of my lovely un-plugging momentarily!)...interesting. I might flick through that book and a couple of others mentioned on the forum- thank you!
Julie- that is kind of what I do now- I may tally a meal or a dish but I haven't been adding it all up. And I doubt your word on that 6pack.
Lynn-yours is a success story- But I couldn't gain 20 pounds right now without being really miserable. 20 ounces is debatable.
Heab- you and I have done a similar journey and yes I love the keywords!
Iheart- I feel sorry for my pillow if it has feelings because I alternately drool on it and put it between my knees :-D
Well at least you gave it a shot and plenty of time to really "try it out." You found what works best for you and thats all that matters. But like i need to tell you that.
=)
I'm really sorry that the non-counting isn't going well. I too am impressed that you've given it such a good try! 5 months is a long time...and as you told me (re: accupuncture) if it isn't working then abandon ship.
There is nothing wrong with calorie counting. If it works for you then go for it! I'm glad you gave it a shot but it's okay to go back to what works.
Booty shorts take balls. Wow, that's a loaded sentence right there!
I'm sorry your experiment isn't working out as you'd hoped. As others have said, it's really admirable that you stepped outside of your comfort zone and are giving this a shot! I'd say you're very brave as well, since as you stated, much of your emotion comes from a place of fear.
I've never counted calories, but I think that every one should do what works for them. That's the key to success.
And I've never taken a pole dancing class, but I secretly want to!
I'm so sorry this experiment isn't turning out the way you hoped! I can feel your fear and frustration in every word and I can totally relate. I agree with HEAB, do what works best for YOU. (huge hugs)!!!
Boo, Hiss. I know how much you WANTED this to work. But I can relate, BLTs are MY DEMISE. Seriously, they add up to more than a meal most days! I have been trying to stop them by chewing gum, but that adds to that whole bloat gut issue. I think that you can do it without the meticulous counting every day, though. Instead of calculating to a T, maybe just be more mindful of the calories in vs calories out--you are like rainman and I know you can do that sort of thing in your head without logging it each day. Maybe do a part time calorie counting--1 or 2 days a week? Then mindful the rest? I don't know. I do know that I admire you for trying new methods and seeing what works for you. xoxo
Linds, Ameena, Susan, Charlotte, Janetha- thanks for the empathy :-) I hate that it's not a success.
What works for me is eating about every 3 hours so that I never get crazy hungry and pig out. I'm a constant snacker but by filling up on real (and balanced) foods it seems to work!
Hope you see better results by month 6 and find something that works for you.
why am i sooooo late to the party!?
I have lots of theories as to why you might be gaining weight which I will save for an email or when I see you in person. And lets be honest deb, its 5 pounds!!! 5 pounds that no one notices. When I drink a big gulp and I gain three pounds (no joke, I tried this years ago when I was obsessed with my weight).
I really hope someday you will get to the point where you can eat a burrito and not care about if you gain weight. I hope I get there too.
PS. Kath wasn't so tasty. Too much fiber.
I kind feel the same way...just put on my jeans after the summer...and kinda tight...grrr!
I'm with Eden- 5 pounds is nothing! Don't stress it. I find when I count calories I get too obsessive but when I try to eat intuitively I overeat so I've found measuring things is my happy in between. I worked out a rough plan and make sure it's within my calorie limit then relax the numbers and just measure my portions... vegetables excepted!
Good luck for the next month- I hope you can find your balance xxx
Sorry that your plan didn't work (yet!). I'm HORRIBLE with BLTs too! And eating really late at night.
5 pounds is nothing!! But I understand that if you're "crawling in your skin", you'll want to get it off.
Maybe some Tuesday Trainer workouts?!? ;)
Get Healthy Heather- thanks for the tip- it is nice not to be hungry all the time- I can get hangry if I'm not careful!
The next Heather- grr- jeans are the worst- even with the stretch they all have these days, they are hard to handle when they get tight- and right out of the dryer! GRRR!
Eden, Claire and Linds- thanks guys for the support, and I know that 5 pounds doesn't seem like much. First off, it's not Big Gulp pounds sadly, it's pure fat. Second I didn't mention it in my post so as not to get too much into the boring nitty gritty, but I had lost weight a couple of months back, so really my 5 pounds feels like 8 pound!! In such a short period of time- FREAKOUT! I'm gonna give it one more month. Really gonna try.
I know the freakout, and can offer big hugs from. I've been playing a dangerous game lately of eating more and more to see if the scale will budge UP since I seem to be getting away with some crazy eating lately - but I know it's because we've been walking it off. Um, hello, winter is coming and I'd better knock it off stat! Do what you gotta do, hon - trade one crazy-making for another if it works and makes you happy!
Deb,
I don't have too much to add except you are better than me; if I'd gained any weight, I would immediately quit what I was doing and throw in reverse! Kudos to you to give it another month. But for me, this Rainman has to weigh and count.
I like the HappyEaters (love Skwigg)but I am not an intuitive eater. Have you tried Intermittent Fasting? That has worked for me; because when I eat early, I get hungrier. So I don't eat until around 4 or 5 and I eat my meals between then and around 10. I feel full and not deprived. Some people it works for, others can't do it. Also, Leigh Peele is a top notch expert - I belong to her forums at Bodybyeats (Leighpeele.com)
I'll email ya too.
Missy
Tiff- yes, I've played that game to see how much I can 'push the limits' and eventually I can't push as much as I wish :-/
Missy- I was directed to Happy Eaters forum today by Damnthefreshman15 and got sucked into a time vortex. While it was intriguing, I think my cells would self-combust from not eating for that many hours at a time. Plus I do some intense training in the mornings and it just would feel wrong to go into that on empty or nearly so. I dunno. I'll definitely look into it, but it might not work for my lifestyle. In fact, I actually went to the library to look for 5 books mentioned on that forum but they didn't have any of them. Instead I found one called "Skinny Chicks don't eat salads" and what does she recommend? Eating every 4 hours or risk muscle-wasting (my biggest fear!!) So I'm still doing research. Please do email me though as I'd love to hear your story about it. And thank you for the suggestion!
Awwwww sorry to hear its not going as planned, I've never been a calorie counter but Bikram is really working for me : )
we do not really count calories we did a few years ago and it nearly killed us - meaning it really spiked our ED! so we stopped counting and just ate and exercised the way we felt. I am not sure if there we would be considered successful or not, I do not really weigh myself I rather go with how clothes are fitting. I have gained a few pounds but I am not worried, I feel great and feel that I have been looking my best and to me that is what counts. But I do admit the seeing the gained pounds makes me nervous at times but I try not to think about it ;)
Oh sweetie, I hear ya! One of the things that intuitive eating/non-dieting experts mention is that there will invariably be a weight gain in the beginning, which can be hugely discouraging. But keep focusing on how you feel, keep paying attention to your hunger signals, and allow yourself to feel your feelings, whatever they may be, and you will get through it. It's REALLY HARD!!!!! But it's worth it to not have to obsessively count calories for the rest of your life. Most of all, be kind to yourself!!!!!!
xoxoxox
For me, the scale is enough of a guide to say whether I have lost or gained, to keep me in check. I know in my head how many calories I have eaten, and the only benefit to writing them down for me was seeing the breakdown of WHAT, not how much. Then again, I have 15 pounds to lose to be happy. At least 10. :P
I've counted calories and journaled my food for two years.. works like a charm.. knowledge is power.
Having been heavy before my booty will never wear booty shorts because of the colateral damage to said booty surface, from being heavier.. Love my bootie.. just not in bootay shorts..
SUN BURNED BUTTS?!?!?! Huge chuckle!
One pound a month considering how much time you were spending calculating is pretty good but also scarily disconcerting if you feel like it's not stopping. Kudos for giving it another month but also there's something to be said for "If it ain't broke, why fix it?" and feeling "safe" that you won't suddenly go back to obesity.
I think there is probably a happy medium somewhere but at the same time if you don't feel like counting is interfering with your life then maybe that's what works for you. Also, I it seems like you focus on nutrients as well as calories which is great for everyone.
At one point in my ED recovery I tried to measure and count everything since when I guesstimate I tend to overestimate to "be safe". Oh my goodness....what a disaster. I felt so trapped and terrified to eat because it was such a hassle to measure/calculate (I'm lazy that way) and if I was still hungry I wouldn't eat anymore because it didn't "fit" into my allotment.
I went right back to having a ballpark idea about calories/nutrients though it limits my variety.
So in short (NOT booty shorts!)...I it's okay to stick with what has worked and is working. Everyone is different and there's no right way.
I don't calorie count as well. I agree with Averie, I just go with the flow and try to include as much exercise as my body would allow. Yoga helps me channel my inner strength to understand what is good for me, my body and soul.
I know this advise doesn't carry the note you are looking for, but nonetheless, I applaud your courage to pour it out here.
Tam- oh good- I'm happy for you about the Bikram- I know you were loving it and for it to also be getting you where you want, that's a double bonus :-)
Pure- well, you guys both look great so whatever you are doing is working! I don't get EDesque over my counting- in fact I will admit that the nerd in me enjoys it. It's just the TIME SUCK!!
Azus- WOW really? I didn't know that about the initial weight gain- Nice to know that!! You have given me hope!!!!! Thank you!
Katie- you know, for all the years I kept records and subsequently poured over them, I'm not sure I learned anything important from it! (except how little or much I was eating!)
Bid- knowledge IS power. Even if it was a high-calorie day, there's something comforting about just KNOWING how high. Then I can move on.
McIntosh- I always overestimate my intake and underestimate my output (it's what we were taught in my HMR weight loss program). Also, the difference between you and me is that even if I was hungry and eating something would put me 'over' for the day, I did it anyway. I never restricted (not knowingly) based on calories. I just liked keeping track.
Kiran- thank you for the comment- and you have good company out there who swear by yoga. People say yoga even helps them to eat better/smarter and to be more in touch with their body and hunger signals. There must be something to it.
I got careless with a BLT today ;)
even though I am an accountant, my mind goes numb when I even think of counting calories. sorry it hasn't worked as you hoped.
I am LOVING your searches! those are great ones. my best one recently was "buffalo eggs all day"... I have no idea.
First of all...I LOVE LOVE LOVE that picture. Ha ha ha!!!
Debs I'm sorry you are frustrated. You know I think you are amazing...a true Girl Hero whether you count or not. Maybe you should try the part time thing. Count when you need to and don't when you don't. I really don't think it has to be an all or nothing thing. Maybe I'm just saying that b/c that is what works for me though. I haven't been counting since around April and so far it's going well. A few weeks ago I decided to cut grains and I feel great. I have so much more energy. Not sure why....I don't think I have an intolerance when I eat them.
Darn, I was really hoping it would work out for you. The idea of having to count calories forever just stinks. 5lbs doesn't seem like a lot, but it must be disconcerting when you don't feel like you've made major changes. Perhaps instead of going cold turkey, you could try to wean yourself off counting? I personally don't count at all, but then I also never weigh myself.
Anyway, I can't give much advice in this area, but just wanted to send you a virtual hug. You know you're still gorgeous! (hug)
I am going through something really similar. I lost about 30lbs before my wedding last year and was totally kicking ass at keeping it off until about 2 months ago. I've noticed it creeping back on and thinking "oh, that's all..it will stop soon..." False.
Definitely feeling like I need to take some time to devise a plan of attack but just not sure where to go.
Kristina- Buffalo eggs all day! hahah!
Jenn & Sophia- yes I'm considering part-time counting. Thanks for being here.
Jessica- I feel ya. Hugs.
Deb- I totally relate to not counting and gaining. ugh. I'm in the same sport right now. I don't want to count calories, but my weight jst keeps creaping up. I'm going to try to give it a little more time too.
Thanks for posting this. It really hits home 9especially today).
And I wanted to tell you that I tried your special chocolate protein muffin for the first time today and I am in LOVE!!!!!!!!!! You are fabulous!!!!!!! :)
Kristen- thank you! So glad you like the muffin- I love it because it's filling for relatively few cals. :-) Keep me updated on your progress- fingers crossed that you'll have success if you stick it out!
I really appreciate your honesty! I am kind of in the same boat.... I used to be TOOOOO strict (after severe anorexia) and as the reigns loosened, my weight crept up. Recently I have totally just been focusing on enjoying food and eating for health - not calories. It felt great but my weight shot up. I needed to gain SOME but I am a little unhappy with my body. I DREAD going back to being strict with what I eat, but darn it I am sick of feeling like I have this muffin top that won't go away. I realistically only want to lose about 5-10 pounds to feel my best - but it won't BUDGE. My demise is BLT's too - I can easily plow through half of a day's calories just walking by the pantry. I am determined to get down to my goal. I'm thinking if I just focus on balanced meals, watching my portions and being realistic with how much I NEED, eat satisfying foods (if i eat something not satifsying that is a sure trigger for BLT's), and BANNING the BLT's and just see how that works for me. So it's not as strict as counting every egg white's caloric amount... but it kind of jolts me out of some of my bad habits. Bad habits - not eating a meal, but rather just grazing throughout the day. Bad habit - eating while standing. Bad habit - eating HUGE portion of "salad" but loading it up with caloric stuff - avacado, goddess dressing, etc. Do I really need to eat a salad out of a mixing bowl? no. So -- keep us posted and we will keep you posted! Maybe we can all help each other :) PS YOUR MUFFINS ARE SOOOOOO GOOD. I make them w/out the chocolate and just w/ the pumpkin + cinnamon, sometimes blueberries or mashed banana. YUM.
Anonymous- I am beginning to agree with you about the satisfaction factor of the meals relating to BLTs later. I waver back and forth with my mixing bowl salads too and sometimes I can rack up a good 400+ calories in them. Then I look at my husband's Shepherd's Pie or something and it's the same calories. He's smacking his lips and I'm eyeing his dish and licking it when he's done (yes, yes I do). So...great food (ha) for thought- thank you- and please come back with a report on how you are doing! All the best!!
Hiya, newbie to your blog. I'm maintaining my weight after a loss some years ago, and I go between keeping a food diary until I get fed up of counting, to not counting, and my weight creeping a little - to back to the food diary. I empathise with wanting to eat intuitively like a normal person! I've tried intuitive eating but my eyes tend to be bigger than my stomach.
Welcome Sarah- thanks for reading and taking the time to comment too! "eye are bigger than your stomach" = something my parents used to say :-)
Hey Debs, Gosh, you know I feel ya here. I have been in this phase for a few months now where I just absolutely, 100% refuse to count calories. I want nothing to do with it. I have been determined to find a way to eat like "a normal person" (hey, if it's so normal, why can't anyone I know besides Matt & Derek seem to do it?).
Result? I have been maintaining a higher weight than I would like. About 10 lbs higher (and that is not the 10 lbs I used to write about on Thinspired when I was 10 lbs lighter than this).
I am not giving up. I refuse to believe that we have to be slaves to food scales, measuring cups, and calculators to feel good in our own skin. There has to be another way.
In the meantime, isn't it a nice thought that we are both just as lovely now as we were 5-10 lbs ago? :)
Hugs!
I like your positive thinking :-) You couldn't be unlovely if you tried.
I'm 100% with Lara above. I know there is a way. I've been at it for 1 year now and I'm not giving up. I just started tracking my food in a journal - how hungry I am when I start eating, how much I eat, how full I am when I stop, etc. - no calories, just adding mindfulness to eating based on how I feel. If I keep eating past the point of satisfied over and over, even if it's just a few bites here and there, that's why I'm gaining weight. These things add up. Of course the larger issue is that I often turn to food when I'm not hungry at all. That's where the trouble is and that's where I need to do most of my work. Try not to give yourself deadlines. Buy some more clothes to give yourself room to explore where you are. I know it's scary. You won't go back to your old obese self if you pay attention to your body and honor those signals. Good luck!!!
Elina- thank you for your update. yes, the little things add up and the hunger factor is huge. I did some experimenting with meal timing- ie having a later lunch and that seems to be working great. Still not counting. No deadlines set :-) Thank you!
No calorie counter here but I'll hope you'll found soon what works best for you!
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