When it comes to cuddling with people, some cats want none of it. Ever. Other cats are lap whores, but most cats need some convincing in order to engage in a real cuddle. For either type of cat, the choice has to be 100% theirs. If they think that they are being cajoled, they will show you 'the butt' (i.e. they'll walk away) and that will be the end of it. Pun intended. No cuddle for you.
Here are the steps of the cuddle, using Samantha as our typical wary cat:
|"You think you're worth a cuddle? Convince me."|
- She pre-considers cuddling with you: whether on the bed, on your lap, or next to you on the sofa. As we raised Samantha without knowing how wrong it was, she may also be on the countertop or dining table next to (or in) your food. Do NOT attempt to sway her toward the cuddle at this early stage as it will certainly force her to give you the butt.
- She is now considering a cuddle. You can "pat" the area upon which you would like her to settle. A couple of pats with the hand on your lap or the sofa will get your point across. Often you need to repeat this 49 times, while she watches you very carefully and contemplates your generous offer. Her eyes may shift from side to side as she thinks long and hard about your proposition.
- If she likes your suggested location, she will go and stand in that spot for a very long time, in further consideration of a cuddle. Thinking. Considering. You might need to pat the area again. Or 49 more times. You might even be able to pet her with encouraging words without having her run. Take your chances. But do NOT attempt to force her to sit or lie down, or she'll give you the butt and maybe even scream as she runs away. The neighbors might consider calling the SPCA.
- Now she has decided to cuddle in your desired location, and she may attempt to sit or lie down. If it is at the beginning of the sitting process and you try to force her to sit or lie down faster because your impatience is getting the better of you, then she'll give you the butt and run away, screaming. Neighbors will probably now call the SPCA. Sometimes she'll hover, half-seated for a short time, still deciding if this is the right choice. Do not interfere with the hovering process.
- Now she is committed to the cuddle and is in the process of lying down. If she is more than half-way down to the cuddling position, you can feel fairly safe in now establishing contact and helping her down all the way. She will probably go down with a huge 'thud' and be dead-weight. This is probably from sheer exhaustion. At this point you can pet and cuddle her. In fact, if you don't do so, she'll scream at you and the neighbors will definitely call the SPCA.
- If she is on your lap, she will remain there until your bladder is just about to burst. You don't dare ever move her after all the work it took to get her there in the first place.
|Pre-considering a cuddle|
|Double cuddle (Charlotte-RIP, Samantha's mom is on Derek)|
|Full cuddles for me every single night. How lucky am I?|
|Ellie was born a lap cat (and avid blog reader?)|
- You attempt to pick her up for a cuddle (your choice), she will squirm out of your arms, scream and give you the butt. SPCA will be alerted. Or maybe PETA.
- Defeated, you decide to sit in a chair/couch or lie on a couch/bed.
- Within 4.5 seconds of you settling, she will leap on you and fall dead-weight on your lap into a very deep cuddle. You are now trapped. This was 100% her choice.
- Once in place, she will remain there for hours, usually until your bladder is about to burst and your kidney is infected. Often she will walk all over your boobs just when and where it hurts the most and then park herself on your belly while you are lying on a sofa, using a laptop. Next time, consider Depends or a catheter.
- If you are reading a funny blog or email, you will watch her wobble up & down as you giggle. Still she won't budge. When you go to comment on the post, and you can't see the keyboard, you end up typing something like: k;llpi;===== (the = seems to be where you think that the backspace button is located when you are blocked by a small but heavy, cheeky cat).
|Trapped and in need of a catheter|
|The car cuddler strikes|
Q: Have you had cat-cuddling experience and if so wjlouyo;l'[iujul'--=====? Are you a dog person and have no idea what I am talking abmtyou';s][p'=----====?