Good, Bad & Funny Photos: Jessie, Heather, Brittany & Bekah

Hello friends! Before I get to Part II of my four part series involving the mockery of my readers, I wanted to just say a huge, GINORMOUS "THANK YOU!" to all readers who left thoughtful comments regarding my Dad's medical issues. We are not out of the woods quite yet and in fact, he was admitted to hospital yesterday for what we hope will be a short stay.

Today he's feeling quite perky and comfy. We won't talk about how last night's dose of Ativan made me think I was watching a drunk sailor on shore-leave (get the nautical reference?). Thankfully, today he is not suffering from a nasty hangover, or a case of the clap.

To my readers who love me for only for my recipes (there must be one or two?): I haven't had too much time to create/photograph/pimp my recipes, but I must confess that I made a KILLER energy bar a couple of days ago that I have been giving by the handful to my Dad's oncologist (does the poor woman EVER have time to eat?!!). I did manage a few photos and plan to post a recipe of it for my next post, by the end of the week, I hope. So please don't leave me! I would be devastated!

I did pre-write all of these Good, Bad & Funny posts for when I was to be on vacay, so I'm dang lucky they are just sitting in the queue, ready to go. So without further fanfare, let's get to the good stuff...humiliating my peeps.

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Welcome to part II of the Good, Bad & Funny Photo series. If you missed Part I, click here.

I am beginning each of these posts with a funny or astonishingly embarrassing photo of myself, just so that you don't think my sole purpose here is to ridicule others. I actually do a fine job of ridiculing myself, thankyouverymuch.



The photo above is so wrong on so many levels, I'm not quite sure where to start. I'll just bullet-point the main offenses:

• My eyes are half-mast and I'm pretty sure there was no alcohol involved.
• I'm wearing a garish and busy Lakers flannel night-shirt.
  
• The kitchen decor of my apartment was stuck in 1974.
• My previous penchant for clutter was on a near-criminal level (I am a reformed clutterer, FYI but it takes work...kind of like weight maintenance).
  
• I was wearing a butterfly clip on the top of my head (aren't they now illegal in California?)

Now let's see if any of the other guests have "bad" photos that compare to that doozy...

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Jessie:

Web address: http://www.grazewithme.com

I just couldn't pick favorites so I'm sending multiples.

The Good(s) Both from my wedding day:

My dad & I trying to calm each other down moments before walking down the aisle. We can each lift our eyebrows individually so we were "dueling eyebrows" at each other.

Just a close-up of me up at the altar - our photographer was shockingly "invisible" to me. Usually I shoot the camera a cheesy grin.

The Bad(s):

Me and my mom in Hawaii. Ew, double chin, where did you come from? I'm never looking down again.

My first time in Vegas. I'm not sure what's going on here. Am I yelling for my hubby to get the lion in the shot? Or did I just have too many vodka & sodas at the last casino? I don't remember....

The Funny:

Just me & the hubs shoveling in a few bites of wedding cake...it was the first & only bite of that cake I had all night. Minutes later I was doubled over in front of the toilet. Darn sugary fondant.

The last one (funniest) is the best photo from the many thousands taken by our wedding photographer. It's my dad putting his tux on. I just can't get over the look on his face!!!

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Heather:

www.HeatherEatsAlmondButter.com

My name is Heather and I write a healthy living blog over at Heather Eats Almond Butter. I blog about everything, from my crazy eats to my yoga adventures. I hope you'll stop by for a glimpse into the life I share with my husband, aka CD, and our two pups.

Good:

Me and my Mama

At dinner

Bad:

I promise we don't normally allow our dog on the kitchen table

Funny:

Blogworld, meet Heab's crotch.

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Brittany:

www.brittac.wordpress.com

Here is a bit about me:

I am in currently graduate school and I spend most of my time studying my booty off/ exercising and hanging out with friends when I should be studying my booty off. As much fun as studying is, my real passion is living a healthy life style and inspiring others to do the same.

A few of my favorite things are: my family, my faith, food - LOTS of food, chocolate, and the show Glee. My blog is work in progress - and it is pretty goofy, but please come visit anytime.

The Good:

Loving chocolate so much that I decided to become a piece of it for Halloween.

The Bad:

Loving chocolate so much that I decided the only way to maintain a healthy weight and eat my addicted dosage of chocolate was to take up running - really LONG distances.

The Funny:

Loving running in my "will run for chocolate" Bondi band so much that I cannot contain my excitement. (Picture taken at 5 AM on the way to a race.)

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Bekah:

http://beekeats.wordpress.com

It's Bekah, from Beek Eats! I write a blog about the struggles and excitement of life as a nutritious foodie at culinary school at The Culinary Institute of America. I try and balance my life as a healthy individual but also as a non-discriminant food loving gal.

Good:

me and my mom during our hike. :)

Bad:

sunburned last may in la jolla on my senior trip.

Funny:

My "eat whatever i want, whenever i want, but i still thought i was fat, even know i wasn't, freshmen year of highschool" phase:

Eating a hot dog at a party back in 2006

This is me last feb. i just look really prego, because of my dress poofing out.

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Q: Was there ever a particular style you wore where you felt all badass, then years later you said...WHAT was I thinking? Any particular item of clothing, shoes or jewelry stand out? Did you have a butterfly clip in every color? (not that I did, um nope, not me).

Stress and the “Massage Parlor”

Welcome to all of the creeps that landed here because you Googled “Massage Parlor”. Now go away. Incidentally “Massage Parlor” is such a seedy-sounding term, but I just had to use it in this instance. You’ll soon see why.

To my regular readers, HEY! Thanks for swinging by to say hi (or just lurk!). I have three short stories to share with you about the relationship between stress and massage. I guarantee it’s not what you think.

Massage & Stress Story #1:

A few months ago, I went to get a painting framed in an industrial park and lo and behold I saw this establishment a few doors down:

Doesn’t this look like it should say “Massage Parlor”?

I asked the framer it if was a “Legit” place (if you know what I mean, wink wink.) He honestly did not know, but he had some suspicions because (and I quote) “the girls working there are very pretty and there are a lot of men going in & out”. Hmm.

Leave it to me to just walk in and have a look for myself. Here was the reception area:

Mellow & kinda low-brow zen in a rustic bamboo sort of way.

.

Hey look! They cater to the “stars”:

Oliver Stone

.

Hey wait a minute, Ollie! What are you doing with your “dear friend” Suki? Let me see your hands! Hmmm.

.

The staff with Gavin McLeod. Gavin Who? He played Captain Stubing on The Love Boat- hang in there until the end of this post and you will be rewarded with a huge dose of irony.

.

Suki showed me around and told me that they were booked at the moment but I could return in a couple of hours. I did just that.

I came back to find the place spotless and noticed clients and practitioners of both sexes (whew). There was a very neat and orderly towel system. I noticed the therapists washing their hands a lot. Additionally, the rooms were all “open” to the ceiling (i.e. you could hear everything going on in the whole place- this is a good thing). So far so good.

My practitioner happened to be a little gay (I think) Korean man named Chris. I might have assumed he’s gay because he was wearing a head band. Is that wrong of me? Anyway, there was no intake interview because that would require a minimal amount of English to be spoken and understood. That wasn’t going to happen. There was no health history or review of systems. No discussion of injuries. Nothing. I will say that I became a tad nervous and therefore stressed… Stressed! At the “Massage Parlor”!

Note: As a massage therapist, Heab is currently quivering in horror. I can feel it through my laptop.

So I realized that unless I wanted to just get up and leave, I would have to put my faith in this man and let my fears go for an hour.

I had my entire massage and let’s put it this way: it was the deepest and most therapeutic sports massage I had ever had. Ever. And trust me, I’ve had many. At one point, the little man jumped up on the table, straddled me and bore his elbows into my back. Crazy? Heckyeah! Unconventional? You betcha! Either way, I was now a fan. A huge fan. Heading home and feeling like a wet noodle, I deemed him to be the “The massage therapist that is so wrong… he’s right”.

Visit #1 Stress upon entering Massage Parlor: Moderate.

Visit #1 Stress upon leaving massage parlor: none.

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Massage & Stress Story #2:

Remember when my cousin Kata visited me for a girls’ week in early April? I figured that if anyone could survive and even possibly enjoy Chris, it was Kata. So I booked us each in to see him. Thankfully, she confirmed that he was in fact wonderful, if a bit sadistic.

So why was I stressed this time? I knew the place was legit. I adored my new gay (?) Korean massage therapist. No, it was the music. Let me explain.

They were playing lovely piano standards & classics. Think: Moon River, The Way you Look tonight, Stardust. (Click on these links- you won’t regret it. Then call your Dad and your Grandad in to listen too.)

Why on earth would lovely music make me stressed? Because it’s CRUISE SHIP COCKTAIL LOUNGE MUSIC and we were fast approaching our April 22 crossing from Southampton, England to NYC with my Dad & brother. The source of my stress: I was worried about re-gaining any of the weight that I had recently lost.

It’s no secret that most people have a hard time not gaining weight while on cruises. I have written several posts about it. And I can actually manage quite well, but it takes a large amount of fortitude, will-power and work. In addition, the last crossing that we did was the beginning of a ‘vacay mode’ attitude that went far beyond the duration of the trip. That trip was when I began to slowly gain at least 7 pounds over the course of the next several months. No bueno.

(note: there are lots of trip photos in those hyperlinks above, if you are interested)

So here it was early April and I had finally lost most of that weight. Now it was time to go on another big trip! I was having stress at the massage parlor listening to beautiful music! Commit me now!

Stress entering massage parlor: low

Stress leaving massage parlor: moderate

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Massage & Stress Story #3:

Fast forward to three days ago…April 22, 2010 when I was up close & personal with a few of these emasculated sarnies:

Tea sandwiches: A typical snack served at afternoon tea on Cunard Line ships and in fine establishments throughout the UK. The fact that they remove the best part of the bread (the crust) is enough to make my head spew liquid hot magma.

Yesterday, my brother and I found ourselves tucking into unphotographed cookies and Earl Grey tea at a proper Afternoon Tea service. Sadly the following is not a photo from that event:

This was from the October 2009 crossing. Nom nom (except for the cruelty to crusts)

Today I was listening to As Time Goes By on the piano.

Yet I was not on the ship.

?HUH?

Why wasn’t I on the ship yet I was partaking in Afternoon tea while listening to lovely standards on the piano? The sandwiches I made for my Dad at his house. And the cookies and tea were provided by the volunteers at USC Norris Cancer hospital. We were there for an appointment with my Dad’s oncologist.

You see, I haven’t mentioned it yet on the blog, but Dad’s lymphoma has reared it’s ugly head several times over the last years…most recently in the last few weeks. He had a round of chemo last week, and it knocked him harder than the last time, so we postponed the trip for a couple of months.

The good news: every day, he’s regaining his strength and drive. In fact the other day he OFFERED to carry my Kettle Bell to the car for me:

Next I’ll be making him do 1000 Kettlebell Swings, just to squeeze in some cardio.

And the beautiful piano music today? I was back at the “massage parlor” - under the photo of Captain Stubing (there’s your irony!) - letting Chris pummel every ounce of stress from my body.

Photo Credit

Story #3 Stress level going into massage parlor: High

Story #3 Stress level leaving massage parlor: none. Well, almost none.

Like my photo-shopping skillz?

Thanks to everyone who knows me personally and has sent all of the well-wishes to my Dad. I have passed them along. I believe that all of his “fans” are helping to bring back his energy faster ;-)

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Q: How do you deal with stress? Do you get massages? Do you get them because you are an athlete and need the body work or because it soothes your body and therefore your mind? Would you totally freak out if a little Korean man jumped on the table and straddled you? Do you like standards? (I’m secretly an old fogie) Do you wanna kick cancer’s arse like I do?

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Good, Bad & Funny Photos: Lindsay, Mallory, Ashley & Marianne

You KNEW I had to kick off the Good Bad Funny Photo series with my very favorite photo of yours truly... You just can't re-create this kind of photographic magic.

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Giveaways are a funny phenomenon. I witnessed a popular blogger host a wonderful giveaway for a jar of high-end store-bought nut butter and she got about 800 hundred entries.

Awesome.

Simultaneously, I held a contest where I made an array of nut butters from scratch (with a mortar and pestle of course...kidding!) and I got 17 entries. Is it because I'm not opinionated enough or have a sparkly personality? Or because I have an annoying habit of blogging about my cat? Or because I leave the blog unattended for days at a time- just leaving out food, water, and a litter box? (no. wait. there's the darned cat again).

NO! I only got 17 contest entries for my Good, Bad & Funny Photo contest because I asked these brave souls to send me embarrassing photos of themselves that I promised to post on the internet! So easy, so fun, such a deal! Who can turn that down? Um, I guess about 783 people. Well, I'm thrilled to have hosted it and I had a lot of fun and many laughs. I hope that you enjoy the resulting four-part photo series. Just think, if all of the other 783 people joined in, this would be a 195.75-part series. Gah!

By the way, Tamzin from Salad and Sequins, was the big winner who was picked arbitrarily by me folding up all of the contestants' bad photos and giving them a spin with the blades of my Vitamix. Then I closed my eyes and picked the winning photo. Yet in my eyes, all 17 people were winners... so I'm high-fivin' these gals as we speak, cyberspacially speaking.

For this short photo series, I asked everyone to give me a little introduction of themselves as well as captions for the photos. So sit back, relax and enjoy meeting Lindsay, Mallory, Ashley & Marianne.

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Lindsay

http://legalstyle.wordpress.com

Author of a San Francisco-based photography and style blog called LegalStyle.

GOOD:


BAD:


FUNNY:

Although Deb will surely say this is not a "bad photo" per se, I would like to let everyone know that I do not tend to save bad photos of myself. A little bit of an iphoto confidence booster, if you will. Unfortunately, I do have one bad photo that my boyfriend took of me doing a "naked lap" around my house on Martha's Vineyard (in my undergarments; don't worry) at 10am in the morning, but I doubt that it's very internet-appropriate.

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Mallory:

About Me's... I hate these.. um, well I'm a 20-something grad student in rural Wisconsin. I'm not a blogger, just a lurker.. I mean, reader. I thoroughly enjoy nut butters (shocking, I know), the occasional yoga sesh, cooking and baking of all sorts, and having bloggers post my embarrassing photos on the internet to gain entries for nut butter giveaways.

GOOD:

Me and my godson. how could that not be a good picture that little cutie pie in it?

BAD:

That's me, post-egyptian sunburn (with SPF 45 thankyaverymuch). i don't know what's worst: the sunburn, the bad perm, or the 2-sizes-too-big really hot cotton white undies i bought to reduce friction on the ol' burn.

FUNNY:

Thanksgiving pic with my four brothers. so much love. so much in fact, that it apparently drove me to drink.

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Ashley:

www.sleepysecrets.blogspot.com


Howdy fellow Bloggies! I'm Ash (or Ashley if you prefer) and it's an absolute pleasure to be featured on The Great Smoothie Girl's blog! That being said please don't judge my incredibly neglected blog too harshly as I'm a terrible blog mama. Anyways, I grew up in a small farming community located a hour south of Chicago and I currently live in a notso nice suburb about 30 minutes from the Windy City with my significant other and our two furbabies, Dutch the Collie and Trixie the Pitmix. I am a huge fan of healthy living blogs and with their help have recently lost 40 lbs (and counting). Let me take this opportunity to thank all those lovely and inspiring Bloggies out there; THANK YOU!

GOOD:

Sunset after a spectacular hike in Sedona.

My all time favorite picture of me. Totally worth being Spiderwoman to get too!

Dancin'

As normal looking as we can be.

BAD:

Right after being tail whipped in the face by my old boy Tommy. Also 40 lbs heavier! Nothing worse then wet tail giving you whiplash.

FUNNY:

My dogs holding still?

Naked little me and my poor, tortured Sheltie. Haha.

Before: Unaware of camera...

After: Aware of camera!

Jillybean kicking her mama in the face.

The big bad Dexter was taken by surprise!

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Marianne:

A little bit about my self- I am 33, married to a fish biologist. I am a runner, gym junkie, foodie, biology/science nerd, that is currently unemployed therefore I have tons of time to read blogs and play in the kitchen. I probably spend way too much time exercising and playing with my pets (two dogs, a cat, and a turtle) than I do looking for a job (shh, don't tell!!). It's quite frustrating really trying to find a job in this town. I have two degrees (wildlife science and a master's in tree physiology) and the jobs are pretty limited in my fields in my local area. I used to work doing research in tree physiology until the funding/grant money dried up. Let's just say, during a recession not much money goes into research in tree physiology...although it should but then again I don't rule the world....hhhmmm, maybe I could plan to takeover the world in my spare/unemployed time....nope, that would probably require $$$. So currently, I am contemplating going back to school or waiting tables (not really!). That's my story for now.

THE GOOD:

A pic I took of myself on a 12 hour car ride. Hey, at least I am smiling!!;-)

THE BAD:

Bad #1 - I have no idea what I am doing or wearing, it is from 2007 and I think wine was involved.

Bad #2 is my first half marathon, I look like I am barely moving and flaring my nostrils.

THE FUNNY:

The funny (well it was funny at the time) was at a luau on Maui after one too many Mai Tai's and I hit the desert table and proceeded to ingest larges amounts of refined sugar. I was going to send you a funny pic of my German shepherd doing what he does best...marking his territory but he gets embarrassed easily.

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Q: Do you immediately delete bad photos (like our friend Lindsay??) or do you keep them just for yuks? Do you save bad photos of other people for future blackmailing purposes?