Dear Readers: I wish that there was an easy way to say this. Or some way to sugar-coat this news. There is not. The good news is that my Dad is currently comfortable and in good spirits. The bad news is that the outlook is…well…bad. He has fought a really hard fight with cancer.
On Monday, we will bring him home where he can live his last weeks/months in comfort. Eventually we will be enlisting hospice care.
This is not going to be a ‘tribute’ post because we aren’t there yet. Meanwhile, there are laughs, hugs & tears…sometimes all at once.
I knew that my Dad had already outlasted the statistics for his disease(s), but I did not realize by how long. Two years ago, his diagnosis changed from Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia (CLL) to Large B Cell Non-Hodgkins lymphoma (Richter’s transformation). I was told that the outlook was “extremely grim”. This information was given to me by his then-oncologist who also happened to be a personal friend of my Dad’s since High School.
It’s actually so long ago that I’m having trouble remembering if I might have failed to pass along the “extremely grim” part of the message to everyone. I most definitely did not pass it on to Dad. I have always encouraged extremely judicious Googling regarding health issues as there is so much mis-information on the internet. Yet, I have a feeling Dad Googled anyway, and he knew it would be no walk in the park.
True enough, it was no walk in the park. But between the rough times, there were many, many good times.
Two days ago, his high school buddy/oncologist popped by the hospital for a visit. He came out with a bit of a shocker: He admitted that when he said “extremely grim” two years ago, what he really meant was “Your Dad has about two months to live” Two. Months. Can I just tell you how glad I am that I was blissfully unaware of the two-month detail?
So here we are, two years later. 25 months to be exact. Dad has done a tremendous amount of quality living in that time. Book club. Theater. Concerts (from Dudamel to Coldplay), Movies. Lunches. Dinners. Wine-tastings, Political Lectures, trips up & down the California Coast, Trips to Palm Springs, Trips to Florida, Trips to the UK and Italy, Transatlantic Crossings, hikes, stair workouts, hauling my Kettle Bells to my car, and more that my fried brain can’t recall right now. Naturally, there have been countless laughs, hugs and “I Love You’s.”
Lara has coined a couple of great phrases about my Dad. The other day she told me that “he has more lives than a cat.” And hopefully, he can “pull another Marty.”
I say “cheers” to Pulling another Marty.
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30 comments:
Oh Deb, I know you must be really sad right now. I can't even imagine. My prayers are with you and your family. It sounds like your dad has truly lived in the past couple years... more than some people do in a lifetime.
Sending you lots of hugs and strength!
I like what Em said "sounds like your dad has truly lived in the past couple of years...more than some people do in a lifetime." Two months has turned into 25+ months...what a gift! Sending you some Saturday hugs and prayers. xoxo
Besides annoyed that I have to go reapply my makeup now, I truly just feel so much empathy for you and your family. What an amazing gift to have had this time together, but damn it, we are never ready for it to end, are we? I'm praying for you, Deb, girl, and your dad too.
Stopping by on directions from a Twitter friend. I lost my dad last month seven years after a triple bypass and leg amputation. Unable to live on his own forced into assisted living he was still the guy who could make friends with anyone and make people feel so special.
I'll think of you and your family and father during these last months that I hope turn into a few more years for you all.
I've been thinking about you, your dad and your family over the past few days. My thoughts are with all of you. Hugs.
{{hugs}} Enjoy all the time you have together still.
What a great ode to your dad. I really feel like I know him. And such a cute picture. I will continue to pray for these coming weeks/months. Bless you, Deb.
Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee, because he trusteth in Thee.
Is. 26:3 (KJV)
Hugs......
Cheers, LA smoothie dad.
Your entire family is in my prayers, Deb.
Your family is in my thoughts and prayers!
Oh Deb, I'm all teared up - sending hugs and positive thoughts your way.
Oh Deb, I find myself thinking of you many times a day now, sending many good thoughts and wishes your way. You are so lucky to have had those two years, and I know you still have a few memories left to make xoxoxoxo
OMG Deb, I am sooooo very very very sorry. I just read this, started crying, but realized that you and your family are happy, lighthearted people and sitting around crying is not what you or your dad would want to do...no, he'd rather haul kettlebells! ha! Anyway this was a lovely tribute to your dad's strength, perseverance, and zest for life. If there is anything I do mean anything, I can do for you...please LMK. If you need a shoulder, help with anything, you name it, say it. No questions asked, I mean it. I am here for you, Deb.
love
averie
xoxo
Your Dad sounds like an amazing man! He's lived more in the past 25 months then most people do in 25 years.
I wish him a comfortable passing and your family a lot of hugs!
CHEERSSS,SALUD, L'CHAIM,Skál, Cin cin AND À votre santé to Daddyio!!!
Cheers. (she types as she lets an unwiped tear drip down her face)
Pull another Marty and pour another Martini.
I can barely imagine what you're going through right now... My grandfather (who was like a father to me) passed away quite suddenly from cancer, and I didn't even have a chance to say goodbye. I don't know what kind of advice makes sense, but stay strong!
I'm also glad you didn't know about the two months - especially since, with all due respect - the doc was wrong! Your dad's done so much living in 25 months. As you know, my thoughts are with you every day. Take care of yourself too! <3
Here's to Marty. :)
I've only heard good things about your dad from everyone that has ever crossed paths with him. Sounds like such an amazing man, I know you love him very much.
Thinking of you and your family lots these days Deb. My love and a big hug to you all. :)
what is that saying? what we dont know can't hurt us? thank god you didn't know that he meant 2 MONTHS. because it really would have probably changed the way the past 2 fortunate years have gone down. i am so glad he is such a fighter and youve been able to have the time/memories that you have had. you know i love you and think about you and this situation every single day. i am praying for you and your rock star pops. i love you deb. to the moon and back!
You are in my prayers! Enjoy the moments! Some of my favorite times with my Mom were in those "last days"
Aw, Deb, I'm so sorry to read this. It was a beautiful post for your dad, and I couldn't help tearing up. You are all in my prayers.
The mind is a powerful thing. I think not telling you the timeline was the best thing that doctor could have done. If you *know* in your mind that you have a certain amount of time left - it will come true. Just the fact that he has come this far is truly amazing. You are both in my thoughts - enjoy every day to the fullest.
I just realized that I read this post, shed some tears, wrote a tweet, but then never commented!
I know another commenter already said it, but I have to agree that it's remarkable how much living your dad has done in the last couple of years. What a wonderful example of living life to the fullest. Yes, cheers to 9 Lives. Cheers to Marty! <3
What an amazingly wise friend/doctor that is to have edited the prognosis like that.
What a lucky to man to have lived what was clearly such a good life and to have YOU as a daughter to take care of him and bring him to your home at this stage. THIS is the best we can all hope for, a family to love us like this.
Best wishes through this tough time.
Yes! Cheers to Marty!!!!! He sounds like (and I am certain *is*) an amazing, inspiring man!
You and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers every single day. xo
Oh wow! What a beautiful, painful, poignant post. I wish I had the words to ameliorate some of the heartbreak you must be feeling but all I can come up with is I'm so so so sorry. Your dad is a true gem. You are all in my prayers!
I am so, so sorry you are going through this, Deb.....I read this yesterday and have been thinking about you ever since. I hope he "pulls a Marty" once again; he seems to be a feisty one and it wouldn't surprise me if we head in a couple days that he's off doing those freakin' Kettleball swings/humps with you!! He is lucky to have you lending him some of your amazing strength right now, when he might be running a bit short on his usual supply. You WILL get through this...your family is incredible and I have faith in you, and your dad. I know we have not met IRL, but remember, I'm only a hop, skip, and jump away! I'll be gone fri-sun, but if you need anything, shoot me an email holler. mizme3nt@aol.com
Stay strong; you're an example to us all :)
katie
stay strong deb. sending you and your family my love.
Deb, I am so sorry. I know that is not enough, but please know that I am thinking about you. I have had two family member pass away quickly after their diagnosis with cancer, so I am happy that you got the chance to be with your father for longer. I will be thinking about your family during this time.
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