(The following is a "Back by Popular Demand Post"...you might have read it when I originally posted it you were there from the start. It just seems so timely. I just read Lara's post on the last 10 vanity pounds. Kath stepped on the scale today and gained 7 pounds but was strong as a titan and didn't let it phase her (I would have needed to be committed to the state hospital). And I have been TRYING so hard to be normal since I wrote the post below in early August or late July. I will make a few comments after the post as an update...)
Actually, this isn’t a rhetorical question. Someone who has gained and lost nearly 100 pounds is clearly not normal. And I really, really would love to be normal one day. I’m not there yet. It takes a lot of work to keep off 100 pounds and I'm STILL trying to find the right balance for everything-food, exercise and health in general.
To this day I see pasta as evil, rice as heinous and bread as the enemy. Even OATS and oat bran are marginal in my world. That is NOT normal. Maybe when we were cavemen, that would have been normal, but guess what- we’re in 2009 and I need to get up to speed. I do eat some of these things, just with a pang of guilt attached.
Can you tell that I was an Atkins Baby? Well, more than a baby really. I went on my first Atkins diet with my Mom when I was about 9. Don’t do the math- that will reveal my age. Ever since then I’ve always villified carbs. Thankfully the “Clean Eating” crew (thanks Tosca Reno) has OK’d certain carbs: oats, sweet potatoes, brown rice and winter squash. But ya’ know when I do the math, the calories are the same. And I’m also a HUGE proponent of calories in versus calories out. Why do I have to make a special pot of brown rice while Hubby eats gorgeous sumptuous white jasmine rice? It’s just not fair I tell you! Don’t get me wrong- I love me some brown rice- but another pot!?! C’mon!
So one of my goals in life is to be more normal. One of these days I want to just make (gasp, shock) LASAGNA and have BOTH of us eat ALL of it. (Not kick the pasta & cheese to the side). I am trying. Every day I get a bit closer.
In fact today I ate 3 things I wouldn’t have touched a couple of weeks ago…some agave syrup in my chia/lemon water, some honey in my yogurt, and some sugar in my green tea! We’re talking just a touch- enough to take the edge off. I want to try to move away from artificial sweeteners. I really believe those recent studies that say that the rats that were fed saccharin ate more later than the rats fed regular sugar. My Swedish rellies (that’s relatives to the Americans) have been telling me this for years. For some reason, our bodies don’t seem to think that the foods without the calories actually COUNT, so we go making up for it later, by eating more. My personal study of n=1 tells me that this is true… I used to be ADDICTED to sugar-free/fat-free yogurt. And no kidding, as soon as I’d inhale that thing I’d want another one. For the past weeks, I’ve been forcing myself to get the fat-free BUT it's NOT sugar free (bonus: SUPER thick and yummy). And believe it or not, I’m actually satiated- I feel that it fills me up, whereas the poofed out sugarfree/fatfree air version just left me wanting more.
So anyway, my question to you guys (now be honest….) is Why Be Normal?!! Do you struggle with this issue, and have you overcome obstacles to help you to become more "normal'?
OK Update as of 9/8/09: I have been better about being normal. Here is how I know:
- I eat more at each meal than before
- I eat more rich and filling foods (for body AND soul) at meals
- My meals 'last' me much much longer (before I'd be hungry an hour later, no joke)
- I don't crave dessert after meals because I'm satiated.
- I actually made that lasagne and we both ate the same thing! (I did cut back on the noodles though :-D, so the hubby is healthier too )
- I gave up my calorie counting as of 7 days 14 hours ago, but who's counting.
- I have pretty much maintained my weight- if not lost a few pounds (yet gained some %fat, grrr. What the Tanita giveth, it taketh away, sigh.)
- I've cut back on my exercise- especially cardio. (What was once non-negotiable 6 day-per week slam-it-to-the-floor workouts have morphed into 4-5X per week, and not so manic and intense)
- I don't carry 6 pounds of food with me everywhere I go like I used to do. (For fear of imminent starvation I always had to have a plethora of clean-eats on my person...now I have learned that "real hunger can wait". My vast cooler-bag collection is gathering dust.)
Sure, I could eat egg-whites, lettuce and shakes all day. I could bust my butt at the gym 6 days (sometimes 7) a week, be frozen and beyotchy to the poor hubs, but so far I'm pretty happy with my slow transition to 'normalcy'...whatever THAT really is!! I'm so not even 'there' yet, but I'm not going to give up yet.
So it seems I'm very much not alone in this struggle to be normal, be at a happy weight and try to be a nice and decent person in the process.
Do you struggle with the balance of trying to be 'normal'.
Deb
17 comments:
I LOVED this post....I read it when I first began reading your blog and it could've come straight off mine. It's so awesome that you've made such incredible progress and feel a bit more balanced in life. Perhaps that's a better word than "normal." Maybe you were just looking for balance? Regardless it sounds as though you're doing really well. I have a lot of the same goals and I too no longer walk around or travel with hordes of food stuffed into my pockets and backpack. :)
ah, bravo. good stuff here. i think that there is no such thing as normal, to be quite honest. we all have hangups on some aspect of the way we eat/exercise. some days when i realize i am cranky and OCD about my clean eats and getting my workout in i do have to take a step back and remind myself that if i am snapping at the boyf because i had to work late and didn't get to workout..then obv the workout is NOT that big a deal and my happiness should come first, because being happy is the key to not being snappy.. ok that rhymed but not on purpose.. but i definitely am nowhere close to "normal" if that means going with the flow and eating whatever when ever and working out just if i feel like it. if that is normal, then i am not. there are days i make myself go to the gym not because i want to but because i know i need to and days i want to eat a whole box of cereal but i don't because i know what is good for me. but i am normal to me, which means sticking to my structure and enjoying life while doing so. i just need to remember to not let it get out of hand!
that was long, and probably a tad off topic from your post.. sorry :P
but kudos to you deb! you are such an inspiration to us all!
xo
oh I am right there with you. I've made lots of strides but I used to NEVER EVER order a sandwich. Too many calories and I didn't know exactly what was in it. Hardly ate bread EVER.. now I will. And I've moved onto eating oatmeal for breakfast. Thing is, after having my baby last Feb I can't lose the last 5 lbs. It is probably from carbs? But I wish I could just NOT think about what my next meal is going to be and just go with the flow.
Normal? Yes. Common? Hell no. I am gluten, dairy, soy, & egg-free, and also vegan. So I am not a bread eatin' vegan, a tofu eater, no. I eat fruits, veges, seeds, nuts, foods found totally in nature, unprocessed. This makes me completely uncommon (except when compared to a very small sliver of the blogosphere perhaps) but I consider it my normal. After years of food intolerances, eating this way has helped my autoimmunue issues and my digestive upset, but it is work. I can't just pop something in..no, I need to plan for it, otherwise I wouldnt eat. That's anyone though with multiple food intolerances. Anyway mama, I am glad you're making strides, so happy for you!
You asked me on my blog if I eat lunch? I do protein shakes or whatever suits me. I like 2 bigger meals a day rather than a lunch though. Plus, I dont post every thing I eat. Why would I want that kind of scrutiny??! The girls who do that must like to wear their heart on their sleeve whereas I do not :)
Hayley-You are sooo right- balance is what I'm looking for! Glad to know I'm not the only one (well, me and Tosca Reno) who carried around a supermarket over her shoulder. :-)
Janetha- loved your rhyme! Oh trust me, yesterday I absolutely had to FORCE myself to work out. I don't know if that's good or bad, it just had to be done!! Normal? Who knows!
N.D. Good for you that you are only dealing with the last 5 pounds AND you just had a baby!! Most of the rest of us are dealing with 10 and we're not moms, so good for you! Yeah, I only JUST started eating what I call "real" bread- i.e. not Light 40 calorie bread. I would have rather died than eat a sandwich with REAL bread- it could 'waste' 100 calories!!!
Another great post Deb. I think you have made great strides and I think we all have to find our own normal. I think Hayley's word balance is a great way to put it. We can't live in total deprivation but obviously if we all have healthy lifestyle blogs no matter our own personal choices (raw, vegan, calorie counting, etc) none of us are going to just go crazy and give in to every splurge. Balance. Just wish it was easier! :)
Thank you fo re-posting this so your newer readers could find it, and with your current updates, too! Also for the shout out ;)
Sigh. We are so much alike in certain ways! I despite having to make a separate pot of rice!! (And I great up on whtie rice so I just adore it!) I am also working on artificial sweeteners. I have cut out Splenda and that was HUGE. Honestly, it's kind of sick, but I MISS it. I'll see an ad for it or something and want some soo bad. Do you know it's 600 TIMES SWEETER than sugar?! That is why I didn't taste regular sugar when I tried to change back (so now I just drink black coffee).
That was a tangent. Anyway, you know how I feel about this. I highly doubt I will ever be "normal"--lol. Sane, maybe...we'll see ;) I'm glad you've made progress with your "fear foods." :)
Agreed! Real food is so much more satisfying than any jake-the-fake sub! I'm working on things like real bread, regular yogurt and natural sweeteners too. Man, is it hard work to get your body's balance back, but it is so nice to read someone else's positive thoughts. Thanks for sharing :)
After losing my weight on a 1400 calorie a day diet, eating sugar-free pudding cups and weight watchers bread, I too am learning how to eat "normal." I know what it is that made me gain weight - too many nights of multiple beers, paired with a plate of nachos, and then maybe some ice cream. I always have to remind myself that it's THOSE eating habits that made me chubby, not one draft beer with supper, or some real maple syrup with breakfast.
To be honest, I don't think I've ever been "normal" in my eating, and probably never will be. Maybe no one is. I just want to do exercises that make me feel fit and happy, and eat nutritious and filling foods I love :)
There is no such thing as "normal," but just a variation on what we know we should do, if that makes sense. It's not normal to never have a piece of real bread, as food is to be enjoyed. However, for some people, skipping meals and pigging out once a day on fast food is "normal." I'll pass on both, thanks...
I think we all have to figure out what is normal for us and in our best interest and strive for that balance, and it sounds like you're making great strides! We all deserve to eat the food we really want (not that we think we should have), exercise as we know we need to (not going to extremes) and enjoying the experiences with family and friends over the stress of packing food and planning runs.
Try to remember that if I don't have a "perfect"day with food or exercise, you can work on it tomorrow. A piece of bread or a missed workout will not make you gain 100 lbs in a day. Everything is a process and "normal" is different for everyone.
As obviously "normal" for me means rambling...
I am so glad that I'm getting to read this post on the remix! I've been exactly where you are (were). Sometimes I think that I have an unfair advantage because I paid a professional to "deprogram" me of all of the negative thoughts that you are experiencing about diet, exercise, food, etc.
When it comes down to it, breaking yourself from the shackles of obsessive dieting, eating habits, and exercise is about immersing yourself in the things that you are so scared of. You're doing exactly what you need to do. Subjecting ourselves to some of the things that we would not have been able to cope with 6 months or a year ago (using real sugar, doing 4 hard-core workouts per week plus a yoga session and a walk, as opposed to 6 or 7 balls to the walls sessions, etc.) helps us to realize that the world is not going to fall apart if we change it up, and we are also NOT going to gain back 50 pounds.
Getting stuck in these obsessive routines makes us think that we have control of ourselves and our lives, when in reality, it's the total opposite. I've maintained some semblance of the same weight (give or take 5-7#) for the past nearly 4 years, and I'm happy. Happy! That is so major in my world--I spent so many years in diet and exercise misery. Maybe I was 15# lighter, but I was MISERABLE.
This is a book. Sorry. =)
Just continue listening to your body and your positive inner voice. They will never point you in the wrong direction!
The interesting thing about "normal" is that it means something different to everyone. So have you figured out what it means to you?!?
Personally, I prefer to work towards being "unique". I think you fit that description...but I only just started reading your blog :)
this is a great post, i'm so inspired by you! I am trying to stop calorie counting, etc. but it's so hard. I understand what you went through and give you lots of credit!
Hey everyone- SUCH GREAT COMMENTS! Thank you so much! You guys are all so insightful and smart. It's really terrific to hear your views!
I definitely struggle to be normal. I'm so jealous of my husband's healthy attitude towards eating (different btw from healthy eating). Whenever he indulges, he doesn't feel bad and just moves on. It evens out at the end. I'm doing generally better about "being normal" too. It's a journey worth taking :)
This was such a great post!
I wonder if I will ever find my "normal". I kind of think deep down that my relationship w/ food will be something I mostly struggle with for the rest of my life. Don't want to sound like a downer but I am prepared for the journey and I think recognizing that I will have to continue to exercise (sweaty exercise) most days and really focus on eating *everything* in moderation every day. Although it's a dream, I will never ever be one of those people who maintain their weight with light walking and skipping dessert a few times a month, ya know?
I just found your blog and am clicking here and there reading all these posts. It's like I wrote some of them myself and some have even had me in tears. I want so badly to be "normal" too.
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